Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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