He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
