What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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