well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
