im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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