Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
