I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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