His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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