i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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