I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
