Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
