apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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