i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Farmville is her only friend.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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