Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
