I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
