SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
All the doctor said was why
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
