its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
