threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
