Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
