then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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