guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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