Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
