do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
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