I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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