well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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