Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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