Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
