all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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