wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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