yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
No...this little piggys going to the bar
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
