If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
