Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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