goodnight i made you a song goodbye
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
