every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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