it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
