Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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