Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
thus making me awesome and them whores
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
