I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
