we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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