there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
