I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
