shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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