My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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