I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
