how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
