Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
