he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
