Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
