then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
