After last night, I could never be a politician.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
