I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
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