Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
